An Unrestful Battle in the Night!?

~By Sharon Czerwien

Used by Permission from Wix

Preface: I wrote this post nine months ago. I have no idea why I never posted it sooner, but Lord-willing, may it encourage someone now...

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I never intended to proclaim to the whole Internet about my awful library experience while out with my daughter. As a result of the experience, though, I had to work through an important life lesson and wanted to share about it here.

The main parts are:

-Backstory

-Battle in the Night

-Bible Verses

(3 B's, yay!)

The Backstory

Not to bore anyone with too many details, but over Christmas break my daughter and I went to our local library so that I could make photocopies for a homeschool center STEM class I would be teaching in the coming weeks.

We were minding our own business when a lady at the workstation nearby asked if we were working on a school project.

I am personally okay with small talk; so I didn’t feel out of sorts at all. I happily told this lady that I was making copies for a homeschool class. She and I chatted about teaching and how she had just retired after 20 years of teaching.

She then told me some unkind (and inaccurate) things about homeschooling and was “warning” me about all the issues that homeschooling would bring us in the future—especially in high school.

I was truly not offended in that moment, though, as I know some people are genuinely unaware of the homeschooling world; so I kindly explained to her why those stigmas she mentioned are long gone but thanked her for her concern.

She then proceeded to lecture me about the “concerns” of homeschooling, and I quickly noticed the air of the conversation becoming heavy and not so lovely. It was not a beneficial conversation anymore, and I tried to keep photocopying as quickly as possible (but I am no multitasker!!).

The lady then sarcastically told me that I needed to have my homeschool center students work on a class project. She said they should research my carbon footprint from the photocopying I was doing and all the ink I was using.

She had such a caustic undertone, and I realized that I was about to turn a bit too sassy (that might be an understatement) if I continued in that conversation any longer. I kindly, yet firmly told her, this conversation needed to end. I told her there was nothing that either of us could say that would change the others’ mind. I then restated the conversation needed to end.

So awkward, and I don’t like awkward!

The Battle in the Night

Well, let me tell you. My poor husband and son heard an earful when my daughter and I came home. I was stewing over the whole ordeal even hours later. Yep—of course—even at bedtime!

It took a huge chunk of time for me to fall asleep, as I kept reliving what I "should have" said and when, etc. Then, it didn’t help that I woke in the middle of the night because, well, I hate to admit it, but the library situation was still flooding my mind even then.

I kept asking myself, how dare that lady speak so negatively about our family’s choices in front of my own child. Didn’t that teacher know she was plain rude and out of line for doing so!? Afterall, I didn’t criticize any of her family’s choices!

Plus, it didn’t help that my pride was running loose, and I was so worried that the lady thought SHE had won the conversation.

Now for the battle scene…

I eventually told myself that this whole worrying business was eating away at my peace (and sleep)! I am sure many of us have been in this same pitiful situation at some point.

God laid it on my heart that I was not dwelling on the Philippians 4:8 list! I was not thinking about pure or lovely things, and definitely not true things. I had no virtue in my thoughts and certainly nothing praiseworthy.

The battle was strong in my mind. I was going back and forth, continuously trying to replace my yucky thoughts with proper thoughts. Yet…the cycle continued.

It was a back-and-forth I had never experienced. Now to be completely honest, I have failed plenty of times in my mind’s battles of nighttime worry, but normally when I all-out-fail, it’s because I am not even attempting (or remembering!) to replace the negative with God-honoring thought processes.

That particular middle-of-the-night’s back and forth was depleting, but unfortunately not exhausting enough to fall asleep more quickly.

Why was it so difficult to focus my mind on the good versus the wrong!? Though I don’t have the answer, I can tell you that the back and forth was hard work…hard work that I can now use to empathize with my own children when they are having difficulty replacing the bad with good.

I also figure I must have needed more practice in battling my mind. God graciously allowed me the opportunity to practice that night.

You know what??? I woke for a second time that same night. I had to battle again, but God had allowed me to survive the last battle just hours before, and with that “practice” I was able to think more on the Philippians 4 list that time.  

--Honestly, I feel like this whole post is somewhat mumbly-jumbly.  What’s the point???

Christians are imperfect (of course, right!), and sometimes it feels like we can’t get a spiritual victory in a given moment in time.

Don’t give up the fight, though. We can make the effort to keep trying, to keep battling our less-than-helpful thoughts.

Bible Verses

We can try to think of a specific Bible verse and say it over and over again in our mind. Maybe we can sing our favorite church song’s chorus again and again while our mind and heart settle. We can think of a thankful list.

Remember, we always have something to recall to our minds!

“This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope. Through the LORD’s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. “The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, therefore I hope in Him!” (Lamentations 3:21-24).

“Finally brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things” (Philippians 4:8).

~Let’s Battle Well,

Sharon